Archive for December, 2007

Not your typical end-of-the-year reflective post.

December 14, 2007 Leave a comment

I pray that I can keep captive your attention long enough for me to share everything I have on my heart. I am about to be very transparent.

I finished with Finals on Monday, so I’ve been hanging around and working all week. Monday evening I got a phone call telling me the mission trip I was going on the next week was canceled. I was immensely disappointed but went on enjoying my night with friends. Later that night, a thought came into my head about the trip to the Dominican Republic in March. I pushed it away because I’ve never been anywhere really, much less even contemplated going out of the country.

But the thought wouldn’t go away. Tuesday afternoon I told Daniel I wanted to go. He gave me the fund raising letters, and all of a sudden I got real nervous. There is a $1,000 deposit due at the beginning of January, and I hadn’t even thought about telling my parents.

Wednesday I ran out of money and had to swallow my pride in order to pay my utilities, and I’m not working over Christmas break. I got desperate and frantic. My money has run out and there is no $10/hour at Chick-Fil-A to look forward to like most Christmas breaks, and with my dad on Social Security and both parents without jobs, the money will continue to be run out.

Why should I go to the DR anyway? It’s way out of my comfort zone. I don’t deal well outside my comfort zone. It’s way too expensive, and it seems very stupid to try this right now. So why won’t the thought go away? I so wish it would…

So today (Thursday) I was driving home, half way “praying” God would pull a loaves and fish miracle with my gas tank to get me home, ’cause I couldn’t afford to fill up, and a song came on that I hadn’t heard in a very long time. It was a song I first heard last year at this time, and this song has some very strong and extremely bittersweet memories attached to it. It was TobyMac’s “Made to Love.” Here’s what caught my ear and kept me from turning the channel:

Whatever happened to a passion I could live for?
What became of the flame that made me feel more?
And when did I forget that…
I was made to love You
I was made to find You
I was made just for You, made to adore You
I was made to love, and be loved by You
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And you said You’d keep me, never would You leave me
I was made to love, and be loved by You.

I cried. It finally clicked. I knew it would happen, but I wasn’t expecting it like this, or at this time. I haven’t been myself lately, and I might be on my way back. But please pray that I will be able to make sacrifices with my finances (or lack thereof) and that I will find confirmation on this Dominican Republic thing soon, ’cause I don’t have anywhere near $1000, that’s for sure.