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Archive for February, 2009

Motions

February 16, 2009 1 comment

This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all-consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
“What if I had given everything?”
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna spend one more day
Without Your all-consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking,
“What if I had given everything?”
Instead of going through the motions

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Take me all the way

I don’t wanna go through the motions anymore.

“Motions” by Matthew West
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Categories: Life Tags: , , , ,

Where, God?

Somewhere along the way, I got lost. I thought I was striving toward the glory of my Lord, but somewhere along the way, I ended up here: questioning, desperate, and alone. It’s my own fault, and no one else’s. I became so focused on what I thought was God’s will for me, when in reality, I was focusing on what I wanted God’s will for me to be. I wanted something that in my mind I defined as “big”: years overseas, a prestigious church job, another summer as a big shot videographer at camp.

And then, ironically, the big ice storm, and how I spent my time during it, snapped things into perspective. God has always gifted me a servant’s heart for those around me. It manifests itself oddly sometimes, whether volunteering to walk through the storm to Kroger, attempting to shovel the parking lot, or buying a new pair of pants, but I always do it because I want to serve those I love.

But what about those I don’t love?

Unfortunately, there are too many people that fall into that category. I have continued to question why God kept me here in Lexington, and I believe now it was to knock me off my high horse, to destroy my pedestal, and show me where I needed to improve in life. Well, it’s working. I have nothing here I am passionate about here in Lexington anymore, except my church. Passion is such a vital part of my life that it’s been difficult feeling as though I am invested in nothing for the Kingdom right now. I feel like my life is on hold, but then again, I’ve felt like that for a while now. In fact, one of the few times I didn’t feel that way was when I was in the Dominican Republic.

I read my Bible for the first time in over a month today. I wrote in my prayer journal for the first time in almost 3 weeks. I believe working on my relationship with God is the first step to loving those I don’t right now.

I know there are different seasons in life, and each is necessary (Ecclesiastes anyone?), but I don’t know what this season is for, and I don’t think God is going to give me any answers. It’s hard. You’re only young for so long and you’re only single for (hopefully) so long. My hopes and dreams for this insignificant amount of time on earth have changed drastically in recent years, and I’m not fulfilling any of them sitting here in the Dungeon feeling like an annoyance.

I’m strong now. I’m strong enough to be free, and I’m ready to go.

Where, God?

Ice Storm 2009

February 2, 2009 1 comment

These were the first two days of the Ice Storm, before my building going haywire, me becoming a wanderer, my car’s back window exploding, the place I was staying losing electricity, etc, etc… But don’t get me wrong, it was a blast up until then.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/video/video.php?v=629855103290&ref=nf

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/video/video.php?v=630162182900

Categories: Life Tags: , , ,