Archive for August, 2011

where to start?

I can’t get over this feeling that God is punishing me. That I was created to love others well, but never be loved, or capable of receiving it, even from Him. How can I have such faith in God’s promises for other people but not believe they are for me? I was created with this sickness and it makes me feel like lesser of a person. Less of a woman, less of a saint. Why do I get so angry that this is the hand I’ve been dealt? I see those I live falling in love, getting married, having kids, careers and even serving Him in great ways – in schools, hospitals, and even overseas. And I take pills to function, try not to starve from being broke, and long for a boy that obviously didn’t want a future with me. My brain knows all the Sunday School answers, and my heart yearns for it to be true because the alternative is just plain impossible to take.