Posts Tagged ‘irony’


September 22, 2010 Leave a comment

Respect – it’s a funny thing. When you’re surrounded by people that don’t respect you, it really messes with your self-respect. I didn’t even realize this until today. For the past month or two, I have been in a situation where I have been slowly, increasingly second-guessed and micro-managed. It happened so slowly, I didn’t even realize what it was. But the more I wasn’t respected, the more I second-guessed myself, and the more bitter I became. And this situation leaked into my other relationships. More second-guessing. And the unfortunately, I can’t say anything to the offending party in this situation because, well, it’s disrespectful.

So be aware: if someone disrespects you, and it’s undeserving, don’t let it permeate into your view of yourself, even and especially if it involves your workplace. So many of us spend the bulk of our time with the same people, that it can really affect us. But now I’m rambling. I guess I should get back out there and take some self-respect back for myself.

Categories: Life Tags: , ,

soap opera life.

September 9, 2010 Leave a comment

This may be the dumbest blog post I’ve ever written.

I’ve recently started watching One Tree Hill (yeah, yeah, I know, I’m 8 years behind, that’s SO high school) and I have absolutely fallen in love with it (insert adequate props to Erin here). I just finished watching season 4, where everyone graduates high school. Then in the beginning of season 5, the show made a bold (and applauded) move and fast forwarded four years. Some had succeeded, some had not, but they all tried.

So what’s the point I’m making? Well, I feel like I’m about to be at the end of season 4 of OTH. And if what I claim about my beliefs in my God are true, than I know that my story is going to be worth telling. But for all the drama and sappy dialogue OTH has, it was true in it’s portrayal of having to try. I’ve got to trust God is going to take care of me. The only thing that’s going to hold me back is myself and my fear.

a tough question.

So a couple weeks ago at small group, we talked about how to treat each other, even when they annoy us, or hurt us, or screw us over. And I confess I haven’t been doing a good job of it lately. Not that I’ve been insulting people to their face or viciously spreading rumors behind anyone’s backs. We all can stand to improve in this area, right?

The tough question I have is what about when you’re being wronged and treated horribly and there is financial stake in it? What do you do? What if standing up for yourself and what is right is deemed selfish and you’re the enemy?

Should I let myself be walked all over for the sake of Christ? It seems like the answer should be yes without a doubt when it’s phrased that way. And I know it’s always easier said than done, but in this occasion, I know that I’m being taken advantage of. Do I not stand up for myself, lose a lot of money, and be unselfish? Or do I stand my ground, have people get very angry at me, and be accused of being un-Christian?

I don’t know what to do.

Categories: Life Tags: , ,

the greatest gift is to give?

December 14, 2009 Leave a comment

My friend Shelby has the opportunity to go overseas to Asia for the next five months. It’s been an exciting ride watching her put such faith in God’s plans for her. She had to quit her job at school, forgo her last semester of school, etc. all for an unsure plan. But now it’s all coming together, and God has allowed me to have a small part in it.

Shelby called and told me of some troubles she was having fundraising for the trip, and that the trip was in jeopardy. We brainstormed some ideas, and I helped her set up an online donation system. But I decided I should help a little, especially since it was the end of the year and me being okay with money and all (which doesn’t happen often). So I sat down, and wrote a check for a number God told me. I thought it was too much, but I had a peace about it. (I am a tightwad at heart.) I wanted to surprise her, so I didn’t tell her. Over the next few days, God really amazed both of us with the money that was raised. Shelby called me on Sunday and told me how much she still needed for the minimum amount for the trip to happen. I couldn’t hold it in any longer:

That was the amount I had sent her.

So I thought I would share. It really blessed me to be a part of this story.
Shelby still needs help. Please click on the link above and pray about donating.

Categories: Ministry Tags: , , , ,

The Glory of Unfinished Stories.

September 8, 2009 3 comments

This weekend was bookended with two very random occurances, & I know I need to share them.

Thursday night I received an at-reply on Twitter from someone I didn’t know, letting me know he reads this blog and it has made him think. I responded appreciatively and offered to try to answer any questions he had. The following two days of conversation blessed my life (That’s right Azrin, if you’re reading, I want you to know you have given me something you couldn’t even realize). I was asked to put my faith into words. This may not seems like a big deal, but wait until you have to do it. I was so blown away by his searching heart, willing to email a random person to further his search for Truth. My prayer life got a dose of perspective from this young man, and I pray that this story isn’t over. Keep searching. You will know when you have found the Truth; it is God and living for Him makes it worth it to wake up in the morning.

If this wasn’t enough, what happened to me and the girls last night is still rocking my world:
Coming back from my parent’s house to Lexington, I wasn’t planning on hanging out on campus, but ended up there at a cookout. Later that night I was at the house of my best friends and we were just watching tv. Someone knocked on the door, and it was a young man wanting to plug in his cell phone so he could make a call. Now, this wasn’t the safest part of town, so I kept an eye on him, realizing he was very upset as he was talking. He came in to ask for a pen & pencil, and I proceeded to ask him if there was anything we could do for him, trying to get his story. With tears streaming down his face, he told me his mom texted him to say goodbye because she had taken a bottle of pain killers.

I was blown away, as I’m sure the girls were too. Later I ended up talking on the phone to this young man’s father, pleading with me to give him a ride to the hospital in Georgetown where his mom was (about half an hour away). As much as I was ready to up and go, I realized the safety concerns, and after a dozen phone calls, my friends Josh and Matt came to pick up this young man. Before he left, we circled around him and prayed for him and his mother. The whole situation just shook me, and thank God for His providence.

Just the way God orchestrated that whole situation is still blowing my mind. Rachel told me later she just felt like she was supposed to open the door (even after some reprimanding from me about being more careful). Even just the fact that the girls were in the front of the house where they could hear the door is proof of God’s sovereignty. And of course, it is no accident that this young man chose to knock on their house, a house full of followers of Christ willing to show Love, even when common sense tells you not to do so.

So I guess you could say my weekend is one of stories I may never know the ending of, and I’m really okay with that. I’ve been praying for more purpose here in Lexington, and God delivered, and of course not in the way I was expecting.

My God fills me with awe & wonder, and I will praise Him forever.

can’t sleep…

September 28, 2008 1 comment

it’s after 2:30 am. not my time of day to be awake. but i can’t sleep. my mind is so full, and i have no idea how to empty it. i filled myself up wth other things: didn’t work. i busied my hands to keep my mind the same: didn’t work. i used all the hot water in the apartment: didn’t work.

today has been weird. this weekend has been weird. i’ve been thinking about the timeline of my life and how crazy it is. God’s humor is so evident in so many things, it gives me pleasure to realize my Creator enjoys his creation. just the events that have led me to this point: the Domincan Repulic trip, camp and all that encompassed, my screw-ups this semester, and my opportunities as of recently. what is it leading to for me?

i know i may not get to find out this answer, but to tell you the truth, the way i’ve been acting, i wonder if i’ll ever be ready. do i need to do this before i’m ready in order to make myself ready? ha, how’s that for a sentence at this insane time of night.

i don’t want to leave.

but it’s time for me to go. to let go.

i was sitting with my best friend tonight in silence, relishing the time together. but i couldn’t say anything. i just couldn’t. at what point can you not say anything to the person you can tell anything and everything? it saddens my heart. tonight i felt a pang in my heart i had not felt in a long time. i’m not going to type what that pang was, because it’s scary, and may scare anyone who reads this. it was not a welcome feeling, and i had to physically remove myself in order for it to go away.

does God create some people in such a way that they aren’t meant to ever find contentment? is that how it’s supposed to be? is life on this earth supposed to be so unfulfilling? or when it is fulfilling, is that contentment supposed to be so fleeting?

i want to be filled to overflowing with the Creator of the universe. why am i so empty when that is all i desire?

Categories: Life Tags: , , ,

Irony can sometimes be cruel.

January 31, 2008 1 comment

Life is weird.

A good friend called me upset last night because another friend (to protect all parties involved, and confuse me years from now when I reread this, we’ll call this person K) has really disregarded my friends’ feelings, and doesn’t realize what K is doing. My friend was upset, very upset, to the point of tears and expletives. I sat and listened because I know my friend wasn’t looking for answers, even though I kept being asked, “What do I do?” I tried to be as good a friend as I could.
At one point, my friend said, “I feel so stuck. I just want to call or text, but K won’t give me any answer that will make me feel better. I just want to go over there and explain it, tell K how I feel, but K won’t understand. I just want to disappear.”

Why is this ironic, you ask?

Because about a year ago, I was in the same boat with this very friend. I wanted nothing more than call this friend, explain how I was hurt, and make my argument. This very friend hurt me, upset me to the point of tears and expletives, and didn’t understand. The words that came out of my friend’s mouth last night were practically the same words I uttered.

Even though all that happened, we have remained good friends, although my friend still doesn’t know or understand how I felt then. My friend has moved on in life to a different set of friends, and I have come to accept my role in my friend’s life. It took a long time to get to this place for me. And so last night, my friend calls me?! Am I being used? My friend knows I will be there. My friend knows I still have great love, and my friend, I believe, still has great love for me. My friend talks about having nothing left here and wanting to disappear. I AM HERE. I understand that my friend is hurting, and I will never leave my friend without support, but where is my own personal line to walk away?

Categories: Life Tags: , ,