i wanna go Home.

Last week was unlike any I’ve ever gone through. Quite high on the difficulty scale, there was little sleep, little class, much tears, and much driving, leading to a lot of playing catch-up for a lot of us this week. Not good timing with the end of the semester quickly approaching.

Yesterday, as I was pulling out of church, I was thinking about the way situations and relationships where handled this past week. Death, especially untimely and seemingly unfair death like we’ve experienced, many times brings about perspective. I used to hate that word. It brought me nothing but guilt. Now, I’m a little more keen on the subject. Anyway, I realized that no matter how I feel, I should do everything in my power to make sure people feel nothing but love from me. Even if I feel wronged, even if I want them to see my hurt, I should never make them feel anything but love. God will take care of the rest. Now, I know this sounds like another Christian cliche, but I hope you know I’m above that shit. This is truth. Easier said than done, but truth. It’s all about perspective.

Mostly the overwhelming feeling I have had this week is jealousy and anger. I am jealous that Tom and Brad got to leave this world, and angry that it wasn’t me. If that sounds morbid, so be it. This world is not my home. I don’t belong here. As a follower of Christ, I know that’s the truth. The most common thought I’ve had besides “I can’t believe he’s really gone” is “I can’t believe they got to go.” Heaven isn’t something I think about a lot, and with this perspective, (there’s that darn word again) it’s been on the forefront of my mind. I hate not being able to wrap my mind around things, and heaven is definitely one of those things. It’s times like these that I realize the fleetingness of this world, and relationships here, and my heart yearns for Home.

My heart yearns for Home.